


Why Did You...

by BurningSwan



Series: Mistake [2]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Existential Crisis, Mild Language, Moving On, Multi, Not Really Character Death, Original Character(s), Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-15 10:01:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12318777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurningSwan/pseuds/BurningSwan
Summary: How Shizuo handles Izaya breaking up with him.Can be read as stand alone, but goes better when read with What Have I Done?Part Two of Mistake





	1. I Don’t Understand, But I Will Move On

To put it simply, it hit Heiwajima Shizuo like a truck-no, that doesn't do it justice, as to Shizuo, getting hit by a truck is nothing compared to what Izaya did. In fact, Shizuo would much have preferred that Izaya had conspired to have him hit by a truck than to break up with him and tell him that everything was a lie. Honestly, it should have been expected with Izaya's personality and his infatuation in observing humans and their reactions, but Shizuo had still hoped that there had been something.

And he'd been a fool to think so.

He stood now, soaked in rain, outside Celty and Shinra's apartment, shivering with cold. The door finally opened to reveal a very surprised looking Shinra.

"What's the matter, Shizuo? Injured again?" The underground doctor queried, but his query was ignored as Shizuo brushed past him.

"Where's Celty?" Shizuo demanded, though his heart wasn't in it, not while he was feeling like this. 

As though on cue, the dullahan appeared.

[What is it, Shizuo?]

"I'll tell you later, first, I have a favor to ask..."

———

The favor was unexpected, at least when they heard it without the rationale behind it.

"You want to fake your death? Why?" Shinra demanded.

"I'm going to leave 'Bukuro."

"And go where?" The underground doctor prompted.

"Dunno, but I think I might leave Japan entirely."

"You know what? I am sure this will make sense once you tell Celty what's going on, but for now, as your friend, I will help you out. We can spread rumors and then create evidence."

"Thank you, Shinra, really." 

———

It was strange, standing in this airport, gazing around as he waited for his flight. It still hurt, but now, after the feeling of betrayal had died down, Shizuo was just confused. He had told Celty about what happened with Izaya just the other day and she'd been very sympathetic towards him, and very angry at Izaya for what he did to her close friend. Despite everything, Shizuo convinced her to not act out of spite towards Izaya and just let it rest. Why he did it, he didn't know- no, rather he didn't want to think about it. 

Soon enough, it'd be in the back if everyone's minds and it would all be forgotten. Yes, he'd be the Deadest (Strongest) Man in Ikebukuro. He had promised Celty to keep in touch, just text her every now and then, but he had been unable to promise much more because he wanted nothing more than to just leave everything behind. 

Every time his thoughts carelessly wandered to Izaya, he'd cut it short, unable to think back on when he'd believed in the lie and had been gentle and kind and loving towards the bastard who had betrayed him, who had crushed him and shattered him and left him lost, confused, wandering around, floundering in the dark. 

But now he was leaving and everyone save Celty and Shinra (as well as Varona and Tom-san) would think he was dead. He had already checked a few times, just to confirm on the news that the rumors were starting to take hold. His "body" wouldn't appear until after he'd reached his destination but until then, the rumors would suffice. As long as he was long gone before Izaya could chase after him, even though Shizuo knew he wouldn't.

Because after all, it was all a lie, right? Shizuo's lips curled into a wry smile as he boarded the plane finally, no longer dressed in his infamous bartender uniform, not wearing his tinted sunglasses, and having neatly combed his hair which was back to its original color, the blonde carefully washed out. Now it would be hard to identify him as Heiwajima Shizuo. 

———

When he arrived, he was confronted by a strange man. The man prowled up to him, hands tucked into the pockets of his long, sweeping jacket. The man stood straight, though he was still shorter than Shizuo, and a nasty smile was plastered across his face, unfortunately reminding him of Izaya. Shizuo clenched his fists.

"Excuse me, sir," the man cooed, lowering his lashes. "But are you Shizuo? I have heard about you from Varona. Ah, my name is Syrus, by the way." The man grinned slyly, now slouching back, eyelashes fluttering wildly. Shizuo wondered how the man had recognized him, he hadn't told Varona about his change in appearance. 

"You're Syrus?" Shizuo muttered in disbelief, looking over the strange man before him. 

"Got a problem with that?" Syrus hissed and Shizuo flinched when he felt something cold press against his neck. Syrus was behind him just like that, his nails pressing into Shizuo's neck as a threat.

"No, not at all. I just didn't expect you to be so odd." Shizuo replied in an attempt to placate the assassin currently threatening to slit his throat. 

The man laughed drily, skipping away and removing the threat of danger.

"It's one of my virtues, you know. I'm going to be a married man soon." The man removed his other hand from his coat pocket, making Shizuo realize it had remained there the whole time, and Syrus withdrew a photo, flipping it with his fingers to show Shizuo. In the picture was Syrus himself and a woman with long, wavy maroon hair. Shizuo felt like he'd been stabbed, relationships were still a touchy subject for him.

"That's nice." He forced out as a pleasantry while Syrus nodded seriously and tucked away the picture, placing his hands in his pockets again.

"Now, follow me. I'll take you to your new HQ, where you can meet some of the others!" Syrus bellowed, skipping off.

Shizuo followed, a little disheartened and slightly overwhelmed by his new bizarre co-worker. He wondered if he would regret asking Varona where he should go to. She had been quite upset that he wanted to leave Ikebukuro, since she'd grown fond of it. She had been insistent on going with him, but he had someone managed to convince her to stay, because someone needed to take his place to protect Tom-san. She had still been reluctant to let him go, but she had offered up a place for him to go, getting him in contact with a new business and getting an acquaintance- that would be Syrus- to greet him when he landed. 

Shizuo may not have understood what was going on around him, but he had made up his mind to move on.


	2. Don’t Remind Me, It Still Hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shizuo and Syrus, his coworker, get hired as bodyguards for the ex-singer and twin of the famous writer Serin, Noelle Siu. Shizuo is still distracted by the past, and new trouble lurks ahead.

If there was one thing Shizuo had learned during his time here, it was that Syrus was eccentric, to say the least. Out of all the others at his new job, he spent the most time with Syrus. And Syrus was an interesting person in and of himself. His hands were almost always kept in the pockets of the long, brown jacket he always wore, he could talk on end about his girlfriend or his ex, whom he claims he never actually liked- really not helping for Shizuo, as it only served as a reminder for the words Izaya had said to him that day- or he would pull the strangest pranks or say the weirdest things out of nowhere. 

Shizuo really wasn't sure what to think of him. But he had to put up with the mischievous man whether he wanted to or not, since he didn't want to change jobs all the time like he had back in Japan.

Then there was Azalea herself, the polar opposite it seemed of Syrus. She was gentle, kind, and straight-laced. A little naive, but always cheerful. 

Unlike her boyfriend, she didn't talk about Mina, Syrus' ex. Or not often. She seemed to like Mina more than Syrus at the very least, from what Shizuo could gather of the few times Azalea ever mentioned her.

Shizuo wishes there weren't reminders of his relationship with Izaya- and how it had all ended. 

Ever time Syrus mentioned his ex offhandedly, ever time he claimed he never actually loved her, Shizuo had to suppress the urge to wince.

'Don't remind me, damnit. It still hurts.'

And bitterly. Of course it did. It had only been a few weeks and it was still fresh in his mind.

Burned into his brain.

Every lilt in Izaya's voice, every offhand gesture, every word dripping down his tongue like poison. 

How could he forget it? 

He likely never would, even if he wanted to.

Even if he wanted to move on and forget the damn flea who he had foolishly loved. 

Damn it.

———

"Shizuo! Shizuo, we got another job!" Syrus kicks down his door, hands still in his pockets and a big smile stretched across his face.

Shizuo sighed. As always, his partner was as energetic as always.

"What is it?" He mutters, eyeing his door a little sadly.

"Remember that old singer I told you about? Noelle Siu? We get to meet her!"

"What?"

"We have been hired to escort her as bodyguards. Oh, this is so exciting! I finally get to meet Serin's twin sister," Syrus deflated a little. "Hopefully she's not as awful as Serin. Serin was annoying. Pisses me off, but helped me break up with my ex." 

"Hold on, slow down, Syrus. We are to be her bodyguards?" 

Syrus nodded, for once withdrawing his hands from his pockets to clap them together. 

"Yep!" Was his chipper reply.

Shizuo mulled this over, trying to distract himself as the rest of what Syrus said repeated in his ears and summoned images of the 'good' times with Izaya. 

———

"I told you to stop interfering, damn it." Noelle growled, stalking ahead.

"Look, I'm sorry. I wasn't planning on it, but Elizabeth would be pissed if I let anything happen to you." Nadia quickened her pace to try and walk next to Noelle.

"I don't give a shit what happens to me or whether Elizabeth will be pissed if something happens to me, I just want to keep my loved ones safe and uninvolved in this mess."

"Elizabeth and I getting involved is something you can't help. I know why they are after you, and if you don't want our help, we can easily tell Amanda and then all hell will break loose, because your half-sister's mother wants you and Serin dead."

"Serin has nothing to do with this. If Amanda hurts her...I will rip her limb from limb because the only person who can hurt her is me."

"Again with your twisted affection. I don't plan on telling Amanda unless you refuse our help. Elizabeth wants to help you, goddamnit. Don't you know what that means if her mother finds out?"

"That's why she shouldn't get involved! You guys are making this a big fucking deal, so what if I die? As long as Serin is safe, my life means nothing."

"Oh, and your boyfriend?"

"I am not the only person in this world."

"You're awfully selfish, you know that?"

"Shut up, Nadia." 

———

Syrus finally leaves after he agrees to the job.

Memories of Izaya are seared into his brain like a bitter kiss. 

Shizuo wishes he wasn't partners with Syrus just so he doesn't have to be reminded so often of what had been ruined- no, nothing had been ruined. It had all been a lie from the start and Shizuo should have known but he had wanted to believe in Izaya, so badly, and he was such a fool because now it clawed at his chest and reminded him he got hurt because he was too fucking trusting and it still fucking hurts and he hates it but...

His chest still feels warm when he remembers Izaya's smiles and just fucking Izaya because he was so goddamn beautiful and Shizuo was an idiot because he fell and he fell hard and it hurt.

It hurt so bad and he just kept being reminded of everything and it fucking hurt. 

Suddenly it all stops, a sudden halt to the rush of thoughts and the crushing weight and the fucking reminders.

Azalea stares at him, blinking slowly.

"...Something the matter?"

Its only then that Shizuo realizes the room is in entire disarray, papers scattered all around and dents in the walls and utter chaos.

Shizuo growls as he tries to collect himself.

"I'm sorry if I interrupted something. Was Syrus bothering you again?" Azalea sighs and shakes her head.

"I'm sorry that you have to deal with him. He wasn't always like this. Things changed after what happened with Mina. He's a liar when he says he never loved her."

Shizuo stiffens and turns his gaze towards Azalea. 

He swallows, forcing down the bitter words he almost spat at her because everything was so fucked up and he was so fucked up and it was all fucking Izaya's fault-

'Don't remind me, it still hurts.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully I can write Shizuo’s part well enough. I think I write Izaya better, but maybe this won’t be too bad. 
> 
> Expect updates slower, for now, maybe twice or three times a week starting tomorrow since I go back to school then (I have been on fall break this past week).
> 
> Hope this is still enjoyable.
> 
> ~BurningSwan


	3. A Smirk That Cannot Be Forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shizuo and Syrus meet Noelle and Nadia. He is reminded of things he wants to forget.

The first meeting went about as well as he had expected.

In other words, terribly.

———

"I don't want you to be my bodyguard." Noelle says bluntly as soon as they've met.

The woman with her looks panicky as she turns from Noelle to Syrus and back again.

"Don't say that Noelle," the woman exclaims, quickly turning to Syrus apologetically. "She doesn't mean that, she's not normally like this." 

Noelle scowls.

"Shut up, Nadia. I mean it because I have met him before, and I don't like him. He doesn't get along with Serin, so we won't get along either."

"That's not quite true, we never really met. At least, I never really met you. You only met me when you were with Serin." Syrus interjects, seeming unaffected by Noelle's statements.

"Whatever. Fine, he can be my bodyguard but only this once. If you pull a stunt like this again though, Nadia, I'll skin you alive and send you to Amanda as a present from her beloved friend."

"I wasn't planning on it. Besides, I told you this was Elizabeth's fault, since she wouldn't want you getting hurt."

"Sure, try to put the blame on someone else, why don't you?" Noelle snorts.

"So, what's the reason for the extra protection?" Syrus inquires, fiddling with one of his pockets.

"A precaution," Nadia says a little too quickly. "There are people who would seek to destroy her." She continues a little ominously.

"You're exaggerating, it's nothing special. A few people don't like me that much and are willing to take any opportunity given to them."

"Sounds like you've made some bad enemies." Shizuo finally speaks, for the first time since the introduction.

Noelle seems to finally notice him, since she hadn't seemed to before.

"Oh, well, comes with my personality, I suppose. Even the people close to me find me...How would you put it, Nadia?"

Nadia scratches her cheek in momentary thought.

"Exasperating?" She offers, shrugging loosely.

"How kind of you. You've said worse."

"Have I? Are you sure you aren't mixing me up with Blair or Miriam?" Nadia blinks, looking off into the distance, appearing somewhat mystified. 

"It's all a blur at this point." Noelle mutters. 

The rest of the time passes in silence until they head out on their way, with Nadia driving.

———

"So I heard Blair has renewed her pursuit of you. Why does she even want revenge on you? What did you do?" Syrus queries conversationally.

He gets a dirty glare from Noelle.

"Dunno. Lots of people hate me. Never really bothered to learn why." She says dismissively, reserved.

"Doubt it has anything to do with your past." Nadia helpfully adds.

Noelle glares at Nadia from the back seat.

"We don't bring that up- ever." She hisses dangerously.

Nadia shrugs and continues driving.

"What about your past?" Syrus presses obliviously, or perhaps purposely Shizuo thinks.

"Nothing." Noelle mutters tersely, ending the discussion before it even began.

"Can't you two get along?" Nadia sighed.

"Shut up, Nadia, and focus on driving. You're going to get us into an accident. Besides, they're bodyguards, they should just keep their mouths shut and do their job. Or at least Syrus should, this other one is fine." Noelle snarks.

Syrus makes a face at Noelle and turns to the window, finally holding his tongue.

"So, uh, Noelle, you used to be a singer, right? In Japan?" Shizuo asks, deciding that the silence is too suffocating and he should at least try to get along with the temperamental woman until the job was over.

"Yes, and I also was one in America for a while. It's not like I wanted to retire so young, but everyone harped at me that I should move back to America and live with my boyfriend," she scowled suddenly. "They thought he would get me to quit smoking."

"Oh, you smoke?" Shizuo queries, not sure whether he is surprised or not to hear this.

"Have you also got a problem with it?" She raises a brow and eyes him suspiciously.

He shakes his head.

"We both smoke." Syrus huffs, finally rejoining the conversation. 

Shizuo knew this job was going to be one hell of a ride, with two moody people and well, whatever Nadia was. He couldn't think of a way to describe her.

"Since when did you smoke, Syrus? So much for being a good boy for Scarlet." Noelle smirks.

"It's Azalea. And I don't smoke when I'm with her." Syrus mutters, still looking out the window pointedly.

"Oh, so she doesn't know?" Noelle purrs, smirk widening.

Shizuo felt his chest squeeze, because he was remembering things he wanted to forget and it was fucking painful. 

He steadies himself, forcing himself to continue breathing normally. 

Syrus and Noelle's spat no longer registers. He can hear them talking, but can't make out what they're saying. He's there but not. 

———

"Shizuo~!" That catty voice calls teasingly.

"Izaya!" He yells, chasing after the stinking flea, anger pulsing through his veins.

The chase is exhilarating and entirely crafted and fake.

He catches the flea and the flea laughs and laughs and laughs.

He glares at Izaya in hopes to make him shut up, but Izaya's unable to, fits of giggles convulsing his body. 

In order to just shut him up, Shizuo sneaks a kiss to those sweet lips and Izaya freezes up, before he melts.

He wraps his arms around Shizuo's neck and kisses back, standing on his tiptoes to get closer.

When they part, Izaya smirks.

"Tastes like cigarettes." He says.

Shizuo snorts.

"Tastes like flea." He says back.

Izaya frowns for a split second before he laughs.

"What does that even mean?" He snickers.

Shizuo shrugs.

"It's true." Is all he says.

———

Shizuo snaps out of it when the car jolts to a sudden stop.

Nadia's reaching towards the shotgun seat for something.

"Great, looks like there's going to be a delay, sweetheart." The woman says, curling her lip.

Noelle glances out Shizuo's window.

"I wish Clair and Natalie were here." She sighs.

"Well, they aren't. Instead you got two idiots for bodyguards and your half-sister's cousin. I've settled for less." Nadia quips, throwing the shotgun door open and crawling out of the car.

"Open the door, whatever your name was." Noelle commands and Shizuo complies.

He and Syrus follow her out the car. 

Shizuo doesn't have time to linger in the past. 

But that smirk cannot be forgotten.


	4. It Doesn’t Matter Anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shizuo and Syrus finish up their job as Noelle’s bodyguards, and Shizuo gets assigned his next job...Unfortunately he also gets time to himself to think.

They switch cars. Nadia doesn't say why, but the reason is clear.

"Were we being followed?" Shizuo asks as Nadia leads them to the rental car.

"You, drive. Syrus, you sit in back with Noelle. We don't want her very visible. I will sit shotgun." Nadia commands, ignoring Shizuo's question, though still somewhat answering it indirectly. 

Syrus has the mind to say nothing, and Noelle complies wordlessly.

The drive is dead silent, until Nadia turns on the radio.

"What? Is there no good station? Ah, if we were in Japan, we could find a few that play your songs, Noelle." Nadia sighs wistfully.

"My songs aren't that great, they were just warmly received." Noelle says, sounding bored, turning to gaze out the window.

"Don't do that." Nadia snaps, a little on edge.

Noelle groans, but shifts away from the window.

After another half hour of uncomfortable silence rarely broken, they arrive at the venue.

When Noelle steps out, Nadia rushes to hide her face by pulling up the hood of Noelle's jacket.

"So, what do you even do now that you aren't a singer?" Syrus queries as the two of them flank Nadia and Noelle and walk into the building.

"Still in the business, I suppose. I still write songs, but I also review lyrics, suggest themes or adjust sheet music, stuff you probably wouldn't understand." Noelle answers. 

———

Oddly, the rest of the job goes without hitch and Shizuo and Syrus return back to work in one piece.

"How was it?" Azalea asks, trotting up to them and looking expectantly at Syrus.

"Not as fun as I'd hoped. Actually, it was pretty boring." Syrus says, sighing.

"Good news then. We got a lead on that organization's whereabouts. Looks like a few members are meeting at an abandoned warehouse a ways away for some sort of interim meeting." 

"We were assigned to it, then?" Syrus queries hopefully.

"Well, no. Just Shizuo actually, but I'm sure you can tag along." Azalea smiles and Shizuo wishes she wasn't so damn nice, because he doesn't want to hang around Syrus any more than be needs to.

"Whatever. As long as he doesn't get in the way or have another job." Shizuo mutters complacently with a shrug.

Syrus grins.

"Sounds like trouble." He muses, smirking. 

"It's not going to be for a while, though, so don't get two excited. It's about two weeks away." She says, poking her boyfriend lightly in the side.

"Yeah, yeah," Syrus mutters. "I got it."

———

Shizuo finally gets time to himself, to think.

It's not necessarily a good thing because all his mind wants to think about is Izaya and his smile and his face and his warmth and everything about Izaya.

It doesn't matter anymore.

He tells himself. It doesn't matter because all that means nothing because he will never have it again because it was all a lie, just a good dream that he woke up from and wished he could return to. Because even if it was a dream, everything was so surreal and he missed it because everything had been so perfect...

Or so he'd thought.

He should have expected it. Should have known he was just being used.

His heart tugged in his chest in protest to these thoughts.

It doesn't matter anymore.

Nothing matters.

Isn't it all meaningless? Pointless?

For what reason did he keep on living?

Why did he continue to work and earn money? What was it all for?

He hits the wall in frustration, feeling the plaster crack and break under his strength, showering his knuckles with snowy white powder. He wants to just-

Beep. Beep. Beep.

A soft buzzing distracts him. It's his phone. He doesn't even want to look at it, but in the end, he checks it.

'Hello. Are you Shizuo?' His screen reads. 

'Who is this? How did you get this number?'

'So you are Shizuo? My name is Nora...You don't know me, but there are people I know who do, and they might want to hurt you.'

'What are you talking about?'

'...My lover keeps contacts with some of the more untrustworthy people we know to keep an eye on them. One is hellbent on killing Noelle Siu, you know her, right?'

'...Yes, I was hired to be her bodyguard before.'

'It is likely you will get pulled into their mess. It's not just that though, another organization seeks Noelle. I don't know why, but they do. It could be dangerous if you get involved. This is just a warning.'

'Why are you telling me this? Why do you care? We have never met.'

'Well, I don't want Noelle dead, but I also don't want outsiders getting dragged in and hurt because of some inside scuffle...I guess? You can just ignore this if you want. I can't do anything. I am too far away.' 

Shizuo stares at the texts. He already knew about some of it, but other things he did not know. 

But even if he gets hurt or even killed, what does it matter?

———

His thoughts traitorously return to Izaya, remembering every smile he'd shown the flea, remembering every feathery touch, remembering every fucking little thing.

His mind twisted in rage, but his heart still warmed and betrayed him and he hated himself for it.

Hated himself for being too weak to hold true to his word and move on, because how can he move on when he doesn't even want to, because he wants to drown in the bliss of the dream and pretend everything is still okay and the breakup never happened and he just imagined everything because of a silly little fear Izaya would do that.

But he wouldn't. He never would...

That's what he wanted- still wants- to believe.

But Izaya did break up with him. But Izaya did lie to him, about their relationship, about everything.

It never meant anything to him...

But it had meant everything to Shizuo.

And it had all been shattered cruelly around him like fine china.

It doesn't matter anymore, he thinks bitterly, even if he dies. 

This is all Izaya's fault.

But it doesn't matter anymore, not to Shizuo, nor to anyone else. It simply does not matter, not anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my proof I’m mean to Shizuo, too, and not just Izaya.
> 
> Like, Shizuo, stop being so sad. Stop. 
> 
> Tbh, I feel like this is one of my better chapters writing from Shizuo’s pov since I think I’m better at writing Izaya, but who knows.
> 
> Thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed.
> 
> ~BurningSwan


	5. To End This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shizuo finds out Izaya is nearby and is involved in his next job. Though he doesn’t want to go, he somehow gets dragged into it by the ever intrusive Syrus.
> 
>  
> 
> (Also Shizuo acts like a pouting two year old, sorry not sorry)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angsty Shizuo kills me. I can barely take him seriously half the time.
> 
>  
> 
> Just the epilogue after this and then to the sequel, What Happens Next
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> ~BurningSwan

He gets a call. He doesn't like what he hears.

"It seems someone else has been brought into the meeting. Someone has hired to someone else to take care of this." One of his coworkers tells him. Their name escapes him.

"Then am I still going?"

"That's up to you, since the person that's going is that information broker?"

Shizuo froze. It couldn't be...Izaya, right? His coworker must mean someone else.

"Which informant?" He forces himself to query, somehow managing to keep his voice level. 

"Some person named Orihara Izaya. Might be from Japan like you." The coworker answers, unknowing of just what those words mean to Shizuo.

His heart sinks in his chest.

"I might go, just in case." He lies, hanging up after exchanging goodbyes as a pleasantry. 

He takes in a deep breath to keep calm, curling his fingers into a fist. 

Why was Izaya here? Had he left Japan? And why? 

Shizuo shuts his eyes tightly, chest squeezing painfully in an aching reminder that he hadn't escaped this yet.

He was still trapped by the past, unable to move forward nor move on.

Haunted by the stupidity of his actions when he had believed that what he had had with Izaya was real.

He groans and collapses into his bed.

He won't go. If he goes, then that means he's not ready for everything to end.

He wants this to end, the circling thoughts when he is alone and the trapping thoughts that fixate on Izaya and how besotted he had been with him.

———

Syrus knocks on his door before entering.

"Hey," he greets softly. "We should get going."

He receives no response.

A sigh escapes him.

"Shizuo, we need to leave."

"I'm not going." 

Syrus frowns, eyes darkening as he stares at the unmoving figure.

"It's your job." Syrus says, furrowing his brow.

"I know," is the uncaring response. "I don't care. I'm not going."

"Won't you at least tell me why?" Syrus pressed.

"I can't. I just don't want to." Shizuo answered stubbornly.

Syrus sighed, pinching his brows together.

"Shizuo, get up." Syrus's tone becomes more threatening, his voice quiets and sounds deeper.

Shizuo doesn't move.

Syrus's frown deepens. 

———

Shizuo doesn't remember how he ended up in the car anyways, with Syrus driving.

Maybe Syrus had somehow coaxed him to come.

Doubtful, he decides. And decides not to think about it too much. 

When the abandoned warehouse came into sight, Syrus pulled off the road into the fields, and they both got out.

"We'll keep a lookout here until the actual appointed time." Syrus whispers, crouching down to hide in the tall fronds of the fields.

Shizuo nods and crouches down beside him.

The two waited for a while, noting how many people came by and how many actually entered the warehouse.

After a while, the paths were clear for most of the time. The arranged meeting time was coming close.

"Huh? Who's that?" Syrus mumbled, scratching his cheek and shading his eyes as he looked out on the path. 

"Where?" Shizuo queried, not seeing anyone.

"Over there." His brunette partner pointed at a lithe dark-haired man walking towards an old warehouse.

Shizuo squinted, but was unable to make out any details of the person, or at least nothing he would cede as being important. Especially not that fur-lined jacket.

"Dunno. Think they sent someone else as well?" He shrugged.

"I thought it was just supposed to be the two of us." Syrus ran his fingers through his hair.

"You mean it was only supposed to be me. You just decided to tag along." Shizuo huffed, still bitter about it all. He couldn't say no to Azalea though, she was just too nice. 

Syrus smiled sheepishly.

"I couldn't let a friend go alone. They said it was dangerous." He defended.

"There's no reason to worry about me. I'll be fine," He insisted, turning his gaze back on the path. "He's gone...Think he went inside?" 

"Already? He must be out of his mind. We better hurry up, if he's not with them, he might get himself killed."

"You mean, I'd better hurry. You stay here on lookout." 

"What? You're no fun." Syrus sighed.

Shizuo glared at him.

"Fine, I'll wait here." He huffed, crossing his arms. 

Shizuo stood and crept towards the warehouse.

Syrus sighed, sitting down in the grass.

When Shizuo entered the warehouse, he saw two men approaching another, brandishing knives and tasers. Disgust filled him and anger took over for him.

The crashes and bangs and screams don't faze him as the blood roars in his ears. 

It's over too quickly.

He begins to approach the other man, taking a closer look at him now that he had the chance. As he got closer, he was better able to look at him.

A dark fur jacket. Messy, short black hair. Pale, porcelain skin. He sees a familiar switchblade on the floor. His feet freeze in their place, unwilling to bring him any closer to this man. 

His heart stopped. He took in a deep breath, calming himself to keep any unnecessary emotion out of his voice.

"Izaya? What are you doing here?" He queried.

Izaya looked up, face pale and eyes red and tears wetting his cold cheeks.

"Shizu-ch...Shizuo?" He croaks, sitting there pathetically on the floor.

Shizuo stiffens, unable to react because every suspicion was confirmed and his instincts were screaming contradicting things at him and he was unable to do anything but stand there, staring blankly at a man he thought he would never see again once he left Japan.

'Why is he here?'

Conflicting thoughts and emotions overwhelmed him, but one thought prevailed above the rest of the noise in his mind.

What he would have to do to end this.

End everything to free himself and move on past this because otherwise nothing would ever change. 

He desired an end so strongly, most other thoughts were washed away by this overwhelming urge, the need, to clear away his past self that had foolishly fallen for his enemy and believed in a delusion perpetuated by a liar.

What did he need to do to end this? To wipe away his lingering sentimentality towards the bittersweet memories of a false love. 

He resolved himself to make it clear that he wanted nothing to do with Izaya, no matter what.


	6. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This will be the end. He will finally cut all ties wit Izaya...Right?

Izaya jumped to his feet and pounced onto Shizuo, crushing him into a hug. He stiffened at the contact. He didn't want to think about how the flea had gone from looking so miserable just seconds before to looking so fucking happy when he saw Shizuo.

"Shizu-ch...Shizuo! Shizuo!" 

"Izaya? What are you doing?" Shizuo managed to keep a tone of neutrality, despite the racing thoughts running through his head. 

Izaya didn't answer, trembling and only repeating Shizuo's name over and over.

"Oi, flea. What are you doing? Why are you here?" He demanded, trying to get some sort of answer from him. 

Izaya's face twisted in a strange mix of emotions Shizuo couldn't identify.

"Just so you don't misunderstand, I didn't save you." Shizuo growled, though he himself didn't know if he actually meant those words.

Shizuo didn't like the look on the flea's face as he nodded along, though very subtly, to what Shizuo was saying. It only made him feel disgusted.

"It was a job. For work. If I had known you would be here, I wouldn't have accepted it." He added, and though it wasn't entirely false, since he had not wanted to come once he heard that Izaya would be there, he had, in the end, still gone and now here they were.

"I know." Was all the dark-haired man murmured as he clung to Shizuo. 

Finally, after Shizuo started gently trying to push Izaya away, he released Shizuo, stepping away, dizzy.

 

"Ne, Shizuo. I love you." Izaya stated, wobbling back and forth on unsteady feet.

Shizuo stared, emotions rushing through him with a fierce and painful intensity. 

"What the fuck?! Are you joking, flea? After everything, you'll say you love me? Bullshit! Don't think you can trick me a second time!" Shizuo snapped, anger distorting his features because he wouldn't let Izaya see anything else, not this time. This time, there would be a reset to become what they had been before. He would end this, he swore to himself he would. But why was Izaya doing this to him now? 

"It's okay if you don't believe me...It's okay if it's all a lie, please stay with me." He crept closer to Shizuo in blatant disregard for the other's rage.

Shizuo's expression was unreadable, a careful mask to hide the twisting emotions other than rage and disgust and to create a sense of indifference he didn't feel.

Izaya crept closer still, until he was once again close enough to feel the other's heat, and he just barely leaned against it.

"Don't leave me again." He whispered hoarsely, trembling ever so slightly like a leaf in the wind. Izaya was so close, yet Shizuo still felt Izaya was so far away from him. He reminded himself that he was going to end this, so he had to ignore Izaya's effect on him. 

Shizuo's eyes were unreadable behind his tinted sunglasses, for which he was grateful because he didn't want to give Izaya any satisfaction if this was truly just to mess with him all over again, just like with their "relationship". 

"Flea," he said coldly, making Izaya tremble, though from what he wasn't sure. "Don't you remember what you said?" This time, he was unable to keep the bitter edge out of his voice, as his emotions became uncontrollable. 

Izaya clung to Shizuo's chest, not wanting to think about it.

"Oi, flea," Shizuo growled, irritated at being ignored. "Izaya!" 

Izaya shut his eyes tight, drawing in a shaky breath to calm himself.

In a barely a whisper, he murmured, "I never loved you. It was all a lie."

Shizuo pushed Izaya away angrily. Izaya stumbled and looked over at Shizuo with a pitiful hurt expression. Shizuo curled his lip in disgust at it all, because now Izaya was playing the victim when this was all his fucking fault in the first place.

"Well? Was that a lie?" He demanded, crossing his arms and staring at the flea, radiating anger. 

Izaya smiled at the ground.

"What was the lie indeed..." he murmured, not looking at Shizuo.

"Izaya!" Anger tinged Shizuo's voice, and Izaya avoided his gaze.

Izaya shook his head as he stared at the ground.

"I didn't realize it, I didn't know it until it was too late, Shizuo." He says softly, hoarsely.

Shizuo observes him, evaluates him, guesses at whether he is lying through his teeth or finally telling the truth.

"Realize what, flea?" He presses, trying to force truth out of Izaya for once when their "relationship" had been built on nothing but lies or half-truths. 

"How I feel about you," a shaky breath and a drawn out pause. "That I love you."

Shizuo sighs, shaking his head.

"It's too late for that, Izaya." And he means it because he wants to move on and leave this behind because it has brought nothing but suffering and agony. 

A bitter smile that Shizuo pretends not to see.

"I know." He murmurs, tears threatening to spill over.

Shizuo paused, tilting his head.

"I have to go, Izaya. Someone is waiting for me." He steps away from Izaya. 

Izaya stiffened.

"Your lover?" He choked out, sounding frighteningly small. 

Shizuo blinked, then shook his head. But he still thinks it might have been better to let Izaya misunderstand so that he would give up of he was really serious about his change of heart.

"No, just someone I work with. Besides, he has a girlfriend." He clarifies, turning towards the exit.

"Can't...can't we start over? Can't we try again?" Izaya chokes out, staring after Shizuo with a pained expression.  

Shizuo stopped by the door, glancing back at him.

"I think we both know the answer to that." He sighs, tucking away his feelings and allowing them to disappear like dew in the sun. With those last words, he leaves Izaya. 

———

"Well? What happened?" Syrus queried, lighting a cigarette as Shizuo climbed into the passenger seat of their car.

"Nothing," he growled. "But it's all taken care of." Shizuo took a cigarette from Syrus's pack and lit it. 

Syrus sighed and shrugged.

"Whatever, keep it to yourself then. Just don't expect this to be over." Syrus blew out a puff of smoke.

"What do you mean?" Shizuo queried.

"They're plotting their next move." He said, flicking ash from his cigarette into the ash tray he kept in the car. 

"Damn, can never catch a break."

"Damn straight." Syrus grumbled, smooshing his cigarette out in an ash tray.

There was still more going on behind the scenes than they even realized.


End file.
